Herding Cats? 3 Simple Rituals to Strengthen Your Family
Parenting’s like herding cats—especially in a world pulling families apart. Want a stronger, faith-filled home? It can, and should be done!
I know, life can feel haphazard at times, and monotonous at others. Most families already practice rituals though. Work, school, sports and social activities, church when you can get there. Exhausted Netflix and doom scrolling on the couch. Rinse and repeat.
And while nothing seems quite related, these are most family’s rituals. Here’s the thing: we are what we do… How we live is what we believe, regardless of what we say or proclaim. But, deep inside, you know there must be a better way. Moms and dads, I encourage you, no, I urge you to lead your family on a different path. We all want better for our kids, and each other. Cultural pressures and norms are constant distractions from better things though. You can make changes that will set your family apart.
Pray as a family
With most (62% as of 2023) families in America identifying as Christian, this should not be a great leap. Family prayer is, well, life changing. IF we claim faith as our fundamental foundation, then our lives ought to reflect that. Many people pray before meals, but this is more than that. Prayer is a purposeful pause in life. It is acknowledging that we are not God. It is petition, giving thanks, supplication (asking God for guidance), sometimes crying out. Doing this regularly with your family reveals what you believe.Kids notice these things.
Especially when you do this as a family.
If you are not in the habit, this can seem daunting, uncomfortable, maybe hard. If you are not in the habit, once a week is a good start. What do you say? Here’s a few ideas.
Thank God for your family. Give thanks for your spouse, and your kiddos. A solid start.
Pray for current concerns. Be careful about pouring significant burdens out on your kids, but don’t be the fake “everything is always great” family either. Kids must learn problem solving and life navigation from you. Seeing you ask God for guidance, understanding, and help is a very powerful proclamation.
Involve your spouse and your children. Everyone gets a turn, but don’t pressure them into a speech! It can be as simple as “Thank You God”. Let them warm up to the idea.
Get in the habit of asking for forgiveness within your family. This is powerful, on so many levels. This is repentance, to God and to each other. Nothing else forms resilience like this.
BONUS THOUGHT: Read some Scripture. If you don’t know where to start, start at the start. Genesis 1 works well. Psalms and Proverbs are an easy habit as well.
I’m going to call dads out on this one. It is a simple fact, if the father is involved in practicing faith, the family generally follows. This DOES NOT discount the mother’s role in any way. On the contrary, Christian men are desperately needed to lead. You can do this dad, you will not regret it!
Family Counsil
A weekly check in with everyone is great practice. One of my foundations for family safety and security is communication and trust. Without these two things, a family’s foundation is weak. Family Council can be a stronghold against cultural pressure, media influence, and nefarious influences that would separate a family from each other.
Family Council is a weekly check in. Moms and dads, do not use this as a rules and regulation hammer. Rules and keeping and continuity of life IS important, and when someone is out of bounds that does need to be addressed. In my mind, that happens at a different time. A Family Council session can look like this:
Family budget and finances. Parents, don’t expect the schools to teach your kids how to navigate money. This is YOUR job. It is up to you how deep you choose to go on this, but a regular, brief check in can be appropriate. Saving for vacation? Remodeling the house? It can be anything, but stewardship of finances is an important part of life.
Schedules, events, and expectations. This is a busy world. Too busy if you ask me. We can lose connection, and relationships can grow weak due to busy schedules. An evaluation on what is happening, and why things are given time, is a very healthy practice. Your kids are young only once. Involve them in the conversation, and allow them to be part of it. Parents, your decision is final, but showing the process grows more capable adults.
Checking in. How is everyone doing? Any concerns, problems, struggles? Friend issues, situations, questions, thoughts, all kinds of things can come up in a Family Council session. I've said before, your kids need to see you as, well, the parent. You want to be the one they ask questions to, seek advice from, and lean on when things get hard.
Family work, responsibilities, and projects. All those things. A notebook may be appropriate. A calendar can be a good idea. “Professional” moms and dads. This is not a board meeting, these are your kids, and your spouse. Yes, organization and structure is great, but for the love of all that is good, please calm down! Repeat after me - “time and place, time and place”...
Teach goal setting. This is huge, especially in today’s world. Most don’t learn setting goals until they encounter the business or entrepreneurial world. This is wrong. Setting goals, teaching, and learning the process should start in a family setting.
As you can see, a Family Council can be a really good weekly practice. These are just ideas and starting points. Begin the habit, and adjust as you go.
Weekly Sabbath
I know that everyone who is coming to this site and reading these may not be practicing faith. I don’t want to run anyone off, but we do not avoid our faith in the process. I am bookending these three suggestions for family rituals with the crescendo that scripture gives us. The Sabbath. The concept is this:
8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. Ex. 20: 8-11
Our particular family observes the Sabbath. We can discuss Biblical Exegesis another time… What I want to encourage you with is the principle. A day, to set the world aside, and engage in purposeful thanks and worship. Some ideas on how:
We don’t work. We rest. Scripture does not give clarification beyond this. There are MANY thoughts, pontifications, and practices surrounding this. Not going to parse them here.
We do go to church on this day. A weekly habit of gathering with your congregation is VERY GOOD. For everyone in your family. My favorite congregations we have been part of have not separated the kids from the parents, but expect them to be part of the congregation. Just putting that out here…
Enjoy each other. You are a family, so BE one. Laugh, play, talk, pray, walk, go for a hike, enjoy a river, a lake, or a wilderness path. Get outside, if you can. Put down the PHONE.
Worship. We are created, God is the Creator. He is Good.
This is a starting point, but a very good ritual to begin and maintain.
Final Thoughts
As I stated, this is only a starting point, and the items within are not canon, but suggestions. The ENTIRE POINT is to take back influence, time, and connection with your family. Practicing family rituals is often neglected by most people.
Don’t be most people.
Be different. Be the standard that you wish you were. Not unbending, rigid, and unforgiving, but loving, kind, with goodwill for one another. Pursue goodness, truth, and beauty. Fathers, be strong, mothers be caring. Pray for and over each other and your children. Let me know your thoughts, and your family rituals as well. Leave a comment, so that myself and others can learn from you also!
Stand strong and firm. Your family is counting on you.
